SEX – biological concept
Sex, in this instance, is not just what happens between the sheets or on the kitchen counter. It is a biological concept, your biological make up including chromosomes and hormones. In short, it’s what’s in your pants!
The initial notions of biological female and male are challenged by the term, intersex. Some even call it the third sex.
Intersex is a set of medical diagnoses that feature “congenital variance of the reproductive and sexual system.” Intersex people are born with chromosomes, external genitalia, and/or internal reproductive systems that are not considered “standard” for either male (penis, testes, XY chromosomes) or female (ovaries, vagina, uterus, XX chromosomes). Intersex is a fairly common occurrence. It is estimated that 1 in 2000 babies are born obviously intersex. That number does not include the large number of people who are diagnosed as intersex later in life.
Intersex people's bodies have historically been, and continue to be, viewed as "social emergencies" by doctors. When discovered at birth in most Western countries, unnecessary cosmetic surgery is performed on the majority of intersex babies, them to conform to either male or female aesthetic binary standards (obviously, an infant cannot consent to having surgery). These surgeries often require multiple follow-up repair surgeries and are ridden with complications. Adult intersex people are often haunted by a lifetime of these unnecessary procedures, robbing them of their sexual sensations as well as having long term affects on their ability to feel present and safe in their bodies.
GENDER – social construct
Gender, as a social construct is about learnt behavior, and it is culturally and socially determined. Society dictates what is female and feminine or male and masculine. Certain tasks and behaviors are considered appropriate for a person’s biological sex e.g. women should take care of the household and be the main caregiver of the children. Often male children will/would hear: “Big boys don’t cry”. Where the sex of an unborn baby is known prior to the birth, everything (usually) will be made pink, in the case of a girl, and blue in the case of a boy.
Many societies, consider men to be superior to women and their roles dominant. In these so-called patriarchal, heteronormative societies, males’, ‘masculine’ characteristics such as rationality and competitiveness and roles assigned to men are considered superior and valued above those of females. Those characteristics considered ‘feminine’ such as emotionality and nurturing, would be assigned to women. Gender and gender roles are, however, not fixed as society (and the various cultures) are forever changing and evolving.
Heteronormativity is the cultural bias in favor of opposite-sex relationships (of a sexual nature) and against same-sex relationships (of a sexual nature). Because the former is viewed as normal and the latter not, lesbian, gay and bisexual relationships are subject to a heteronormative bias.
Examples of heteronormativity might include the underrepresentation of same-sex couples in advertising and entertainment media and religious bias against same-sex couples. Heteronormativity, like racism, sexism, and heterosexism, is a bias that can only be eliminated culturally, unfortunately not legislatively.
The notion that there are only two genders is challenged by the term transgenderism – an umbrella term for transsexuals and transvestites.
Now, gender identity is how someone identifies with women or men, i.e. a person’s sense of being either male or female. While most people’s gender matches their biological sex, this is not always the case, for instance, someone may be born biologically male, yet have a female gender identity.
It is important to understand gender presentation in this context. Most biological males (sex) identify as men (gender) and females identify as women. However, there are people whose gender identity can not be classified as the above.
Transsexuals are people whose gender does not match their sex. A person who is biologically male but feels like a female. Transsexuals often have a feeling of being “born in the wrong body”. The terms used in this context are MTF (male to female) or FTM (female to male).
Transvestites
refer to men, usually heterosexuals, who enjoy wearing female clothes and adopt traditionally female character traits for personal satisfaction, which may take the form of sexual arousal and/or gratification, but may just as easily be of a non-sexual nature.
Transvestites generally self-identify as men and have no interest in being women.
SEXUAL ORIENTATION
Sexual Orientation is the way in which one expresses oneself, sexually in relation to others. The lasting (more than 2 weeks) emotional, romantic, sexual or intimate feelings at all levels (psychologically, physically, intellectually and spiritually) one has for individuals of a specific gender.
The three sexual orientations are: homosexual, bisexual and heterosexual (straight).
The homosexual orientation has two identities, that of gay man or lesbian woman.
A gay man is a man who has romantic, sexual and intimate feelings for (or a love relationship with) another man (or men) and identifies with being gay.
A lesbian woman (some do not like the word, so prefer to be called gay women) is a woman who has romantic, sexual and intimate feelings for (or a love relationship with) another woman (or women) and identifies with being lesbian (or gay woman).
A bisexual is an individual who has romantic, sexual, intimate feelings for (or a love relationship with) someone of the same sex and/or with someone of the opposite sex. Note, being bisexual doesn’t mean that they will have these feelings at the same time or with an equal amount of attraction to both sexes. Or that these individuals are promiscuous.
SEXUAL PRACTICES
MSM (men having sex with men) or WSW (women having sex with women) - may have sex with others of the same sex for a variety of reasons, other than an expression of their sexual orientation. Some people may regularly have sex with others of the same sex, without seeing themselves as lesbian or gay (whether due to cultural, religious or personal reasons). Others may temporarily do so due to circumstances, such as being confined to a facility (i.e. a prison) or a period of separation from the opposite sex (i.e. during military training or operations).
So what do SEX, GENDER, SEXUAL ORIENTATION and SEXUAL PRACTICES have to do with each other? If they are not the same thing, how do they relate?
In real life….
- A biological female, with a feminine gender presentation and identifies as a lesbian woman, sometimes has sexual fantasies about having sex with a man.
- A male to female (MTF) trans woman, with a slight masculine gender presentation, in the process of transitioning (prior to final gender reassignment surgery), identifies as a lesbian and has sexual relationships with other lesbian woman.
- A biological female, with a masculine gender presentation, prefer to be a called FTM (female to male), identifies as bisexual and is receptive of both vaginal and anal penetration.
- A biological female, married (to a man) with a feminine gender presentation, identifies as heterosexual and is a practicing WSW (through threesomes with her husband present).
- A biological male, married (to a woman) with children, with a masculine gender presentation, identifies as heterosexual, is a practicing MSM (has anal sex, giving or receiving, by visiting men only sex clubs, once a month).
- A biological male, married (to a woman), with a slight feminine gender presentation, identifies as bisexual, but has mostly vaginal sex, has never had sex with a man (and chooses not to) but has sexual fantasies about penetrating a man.
- A biological male, divorced, with a masculine gender presentation, identifies with being heterosexual has anal sex with, and receives oral sex from a man (he is in prison for the next 10 years).
All of the above are examples of the fluidity of sexual identity. In conclusion on this “heavy” topic, the following summary:
People may or may not express their sexual orientation in their behaviors, sexually or otherwise.
YOU CAN NEVER ASSUME ANOTHER PERSON’S SEXUAL ORIENTATION.
SOME LAST THOUGHTS
Some people may regularly have sex with others of the same sex, without seeing themselves as lesbian or gay (whether due to cultural, religious or personal reasons).
Gender presentation has got nothing to do with being lesbian or gay. Most lesbian women consider themselves as women and similarly, most gay men consider themselves to be men.
Being transsexual has got nothing to do with being lesbian or gay. Transsexual people can be heterosexual, lesbian, gay or bisexual.
Being a transvestite has nothing to do with sexual orientation. Transvestites can be heterosexual, gay or bisexual.
Intersex is a biological variant and NOT a sexual orientation, nor does it refer to sexual behavior.
Having a penis does not necessarily make a man a man.
Having breasts does not make a woman a good mother.
Being heterosexual does not make an individual “normal”.
Our language is just too limited to fully describe human beings’ sexuality and sexual expression.
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