... AROUND HIV AND AIDS
There are many HIV/AIDS myths. These myths contribute to stigma surrounding HIV/AIDS.
MYTH: Lesbian women cannot contract HIV
Although the risk of transmission is much less than with gay or heterosexual sex, lesbians can transmit HIV to each other. Transmission of HIV can occur when you are exposed to blood, vaginal fluid and sometimes breast milk from an infected person. The highest risk is to have oral sex with a menstruating partner who is infected with HIV.
MYTH: HIV is a death sentence.
This is the biggest myth of all. In fact, these days, people are living with HIV longer than in previous years. Medications have improved dramatically and, as a result, so have the life span of people with HIV infection. If you have access to antiretroviral drugs (ARVs) and to medical monitoring, there's no reason you can't live a long life even with HIV infection or AIDS. A better understanding of HIV allows those infected to live normal, healthy and productive lives.
MYTH: HIV can be cured.
There are many that claim that there are miraculous cures available; however there is still no cure for HIV. Be careful of claims that there are cures and miracles. It is not surprising that there are a lot of scam artists that claim that they have a cure for HIV/AIDS. Furthermore in certain cultures it is believed that if you have sex with a virgin that you will be cured. As a result, many young children have been exposed to HIV and have developed AIDS. There is no evidence to support this belief.
MYTH: Transmission myths
Many people still believe that HIV could be transmitted by a mosquito bite, by sharing a glass or cutlery with a person infected with HIV, or by close contact with another person (e.g., coughing, sneezing, hugging or kissing). Transmission of HIV can only occur when you are exposed to semen, blood, vaginal fluid and sometimes breast milk from an infected person. However, there is no compelling evidence of transmission through contact with the saliva or tears of an infected person.
MYTH: A condom is not needed for oral sex with a man.
This is a dangerous and untrue myth. Although the risk is lower than penetrative sex, you are still exposed to body fluids, which could make you vulnerable to contracting a sexually transmitted infection. Condoms should be used in every sexual encounter.
MYTH: People over 50 don’t get HIV.
This is untrue. HIV does not have an age restriction.
MYTH: Both me and my partner have HIV…we don’t need to protect ourselves.
Not true. Experts are seeing an increase in the incidence of re-infection. If you have HIV and are having unprotected sex with your infected partner, you will be transmitting your virus to her and she will be re-infecting you with her virus. It is widely believed that re-infection is worse than the initial infection as you are exposed to more of the HIV virus, which will likely become more aggressive.
MYTH: HIV is the same as AIDS.
This couldn’t be further from the truth. HIV is a virus that can cause AIDS. AIDS is a collection of illnesses; AIDS is acquired from the HIV virus when the immune system is almost depleted. (Link to HIV/AIDS)
MYTH: ARV medications are poison and more dangerous than the HIV virus.
When the first ARV medication became available, they weren't as good as the current ARV medication. People still died of AIDS-related conditions. It's true that some people experience serious side effects from ARV medications, but the death rate has dropped by about 80% because of the efficacy of these treatments. Researchers are working hard to make HIV treatments easier and safer to use.
... AROUND MENTAL HEALTH
MYTH: Something must have happened to make us like this
Some say that lesbians don’t like men because they were hurt by them somewhere in the past, either through rape or various forms of abuse. Some women might feel safer with woman than with men, and they could have had a difficult experience with men, finding it difficult to trust them. Then there is the nature versus nurture debate – are you born lesbian or did something happen to “make” you lesbian. None of the two arguments can be scientifically proven in any way. On the other hand, you don’t need any reason to be a proud lesbian woman, you can just be who you are, love who you want to and have sex with whom you choose to (as long as it is safe…).
MYTH: I have to be crazy to see a therapist.
Although psychotherapy first started with ‘crazy people’, it has become a norm for all sorts of people to use psychologists, psychotherapists and counsellors. Oddly enough, the most productive therapies happen with high functioning people who wish to explore their own internal worlds and come to understand themselves better. These people do not necessarily present with mental illness and approach therapists voluntarily or after crisis and stay in therapy for many years as a way of enriching themselves and growing as people.
Of course, for some people, psychotherapy is a necessity because of mental illnesses like depression, anxiety, addiction, eating disorders and other disorders that are classed as ‘mental disorders’. Different types of therapies have been devised and expanded to suit different types of people and different types of disorders. Some people will be in short-term therapies and some will be in longer and long-term therapies depending on their own needs and commitment. The more long-standing the disorder or the more severe the disorder, the longer the therapy might be. However, people who go into therapy to explore themselves can stay in therapy for years, sometimes more than once a week. Although once weekly is a norm, more frequent therapy over a longer period of time can be beneficial for people who wish to explore themselves and grow, while this can also apply to supportive therapy for those who need therapy through the years as they live with mental illness.
Brief and short-term therapies appeal to different people and are more suitable for crisis management, trauma, phobias and other situations and disorders that can benefit. The best thing to do is to be informed about the choices and options available and to approach a therapist with this in mind.
MYTH: If I want to see a therapist, any therapist can help me.
This is not true at all. Different therapists have different orientations to therapy, while some only work with certain disorders because of a specialization. Not all therapists are trained to work in all psychotherapy orientations, some practice psychoanalytic psychotherapy, some practice cognitive-behavioural therapy, others practice existential therapy and a myriad of other types of therapy. Although the expertise and skills of a therapist are crucial, the strongest factor in any therapy is a comfortable and nurturing relationship with the therapist. Therapy is not a comfortable place and is made easier when you embark on a journey of therapy with someone with whom you feel comfortable.
Phone a prospective therapist and ask them how they work and whether they think you could come see them for a few sessions and then decide (any therapist worth their salt will suggest this anyhow). Meet the therapist and see if this is someone you can sit with for one (or more) hour a week over a period of months or years. Question their experience, their training and their expertise with respect to the reason you are going to see them.
MYTH: All psychological issues are psychiatric issues and need medication.
Psychiatric disorders are not the only reason people go to see therapists. But severe psychiatric disorders usually require medication. It is best to have your psychologist and psychiatrist (and dietician and other relevant medical professionals, for that matter) to have some contact with each other with respect to treating psychiatric disorders. People can have psychological issues (“baggage”) which does not constitute a psychiatric disorder in any way. This does not usually need medication or even therapy. Therapy is possible without medication. The other way around, however, is not really true.
MYTH: If I take medication, I don’t need therapy.
Unfortunately general medical practitioners and psychiatrists do not always insist that their patients enter therapy if they are prescribed psychiatric medication. The reason the medication is needed is usually biological and psychological and it is counter-productive not to complement pharmacotherapy (pills) with psychotherapy. The two work synergistically and, often, psychotherapy works best for mental illness when patients/clients are appropriately medicated. Your psychologist is also the person who will monitor the effect of your medication over time, feedback that is very useful for you and for your psychiatrist.
MYTH: Therapists and psychiatrists think that homosexuality is a mental illness.
Sadly, there are some that still do think so. And there are still some that discriminate against or ‘pathologise’ (find disorders that are not there) people who are gay. If you approach a therapist, ask directly what their views on homosexuality are; if they are evasive or avoid answering, decide whether you are comfortable with this, but remember a therapist is not obliged to answer questions about their own sexual orientation. Rely on a referral you trust from a friend, a G.P. you know well, from a psychiatrist or psychologist or whatever source you feel comfortable with. You have the right to choose a psychologist you feel comfortable with.
... AROUND SAFETY
There are a number of myths around sex and safety. These include:
Drinking and drugs are fun and don’t pose any risk.
In the haze of being under the influence, this may seem true. But in fact substance use is related to impairment of judgment, a decrease in inhibitions, an increase in sexual risk-taking, an increase in number of sexual partners, an increase in the odds of engaging in unprotected sex.
STIs are contracted only through unprotected sex and a high partner turnover.
Although largely true, the danger lies in the fact that certain STIs are transmitted via any physical contact and it could just involve ONE partner.
Condoms do not work.
It is clear through research that condoms prevent HIV transmission very well if they are used correctly and consistently every time you have sex.
Condoms break a lot, so what’s the point?
Less than 2 percent of condoms break when they are used correctly, which means no oil lubricants, no doubling of condoms and no expired condoms.
HIV can get through the condoms.
If intact, HIV cannot get through latex or polyurethane condoms.
If you masturbate, it means you are lonely and perverted.
Most experts agree that masturbation can be a very positive experience. Masturbation is a risk-free way to learn about your body and what feels good to you.
I would know if I had an STI.
This would be great if only it were true. Unfortunately, not only are many STIs asymptomatic (meaning no visible signs are present), it is impossible to be tested for everything and have an up-to-date indication of your health status. There are several common STIs for which there are either no commercial tests, or for which the tests are only accurate during an outbreak.
... AROUND SEXUAL HEALTH
Lesbian woman don’t need pap smears because they don’t sleep with men.
A pap smear is a good idea even if your current partner is a woman and you’ve never had sexual intercourse with a man. Even if you are not sexually active at all, it is still a good idea to get a pap and pelvic exam every year. Lesbians are at risk for sexually transmitted infections, just as heterosexual women are. Sadly, many STIs do not show any symptoms.
Unsightly dark bags under the eyes, hair growing thicker in unattractive places, and decreased ability to have an orgasm are all symptoms of excessive masturbating.
Symptoms of excessive masturbation may include chafed and sore genitalia, but there's no evidence your appearance will change. What's excessive to one person may not be enough to another.
Condoms will protect you from all STIs.
Condoms protect you from STIs transmitted via bodily fluids, including HIV, but may not protect you from STIs transmitted via skin contact, such as HPV.
You can get STIs from oral sex, but you'll be safer if you brush your teeth right after.
It's a MYTH that brushing your teeth has any protective benefit when it comes to oral sex. In fact, brushing can cause microscopic tears in your mouth that make bacteria transmission easier!
Simultaneous orgasm is the ultimate goal of sexual activity.
Most individuals enjoy their partner's response to orgasm and are then happy to proceed in a relaxed fashion to give themselves up totally to their own sensations and satisfaction. Striving for simultaneous orgasm causes people to become ‘goal orientated’ which can make them become inhibited, and can lead to sexual dysfunction.
Arousal is automatic if both partners love each other.
Although love is the best known aphrodisiac, and arousal is usually spontaneous, there are times when one or other partner is not responsive, and many factors can inhibit arousal.
It is abnormal, wrong, perverted or unhealthy to have oral sex.
Anything that couples do to increase their pleasure is "normal" provided that it is acceptable to both and does not hurt or degrade either partner. Women find oral stimulation very arousing. Swallowing vaginal fluid can be harmless providing that both partners are sure that there is no risk of HIV infection.
Masturbation is wrong and may cause ill¬ health.
There is no evidence that masturbation affects health adversely.
... AROUND WOMYN2WOMYN SEX
MYTH: Lesbian’s don’t like men
Most lesbian women have very close relationships with men; they just prefer or choose not to have sex with them. Many lesbian women have had relationships and sex with men in the past, even been married with children. All lesbians are different and prefer different types of relationships with me.
MYTH: Lesbian’s want to be men
The fact that lesbian women sleep with women, does not mean in any way that they want to be men. The media often portray lesbian women as extremely masculine and aggressive, adding to the stereotyped belief. This belief might come from male insecurity about lesbian woman and their possible disbelieve that a woman would prefer to sleep with anyone else than a man.
MYTH: Lesbian’s don’t like sex
Since lesbian woman are sexual beings like any other, this question seem extremely inappropriate, just as the question “what do lesbians do in bed?” is totally offensive. I’m sure the person asking the question lacks imagination and must be completely ignorant, obviously not informed about the female body and how any woman respond to sexual stimulation. The notion that there is no penis in the bed, and therefore no sex can take place, is again a huge misconception. And No! – Lesbians do not just hug in bed… Lesbians have sex in various ways, some more creative than others, but still hot and very steamy.
MYTH: Lesbians don’t have sex with men
Some lesbian women do have sex with men, for various reasons including transactional sex in order to have an income or just because they like it. Sexual practices and sexual identity or sexual orientation are two different things. On the other hand, many lesbian women fantasize about being penetrated (by a man), but do not necessarily act on the fantasy.
MYTH: Lesbian’s don’t have “proper sex”
Again, lesbian women’s sex lives have often been minimized, in stereotyped ways, to that of just hugging and kissing. Some people might think that sex between two women is not satisfying, and that sex is only “real” when it is with a man. Another myth is that all lesbians use penetrative sex toys in order to simulate the heterosexual sex act. Some might use dildos or vibrators, others find the idea repulsive. Mind you, there are a whole lot of very creative lesbian lovers out there, some from which some men can learn new tricks from!
MYTH: Lesbians are after every woman they meet
Many straight people tend to think that lesbian women and gay men want sex all the time, and cannot keep our hands of them. Some might think we are so desperate to choose anyone, even the least attractive ones might think you have a burning desire to have sex with them. Lesbian women find other women attractive, no matter what the other’s sexual orientation, but that does not mean they will act on their desires. If we ask a straight woman if she would make a move on every man she meets, she will feel downright offended. Then why does that not apply to lesbian women too?
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