Social Spaces

No, this is not when happy lesbians go on a cruise in the Indian ocean… But

A night club is a drinking, dancing and entertainment venue that does its primary business after dark. It is a place where people congregate and socialize. Clubbers usually pay a nominal entrance fee. Pubs and taverns on the other hand do not usually include a dance floor and DJ. There are also various social events that are available, such as a monthly party in a community hall or a private party.

Clubs, bars and private parties present an ideal space for lesbian women to:

• Meet up and socialize with one another;
• Find prospective partners;
• Escape from the stress and tension of their lives.

Research has shown that a number of risks are associated with these spaces. It is important that you are aware of these risks so that you can make appropriate decisions and party safely. Some of the risks include:

• Availability of alcohol and drugs. Remember that an overindulgence in alcohol or drugs can lead to an impairment in judgment, a decrease in inhibitions, an increase in sexual risk-taking, an increase in number of sexual partners, and an increase in the odds of engaging in unprotected sex.  Use substances responsibly. Know your limits and avoid making choices you wouldn't otherwise make.
• Overt or covert sexual undertone. Many of these spaces project a very strong sexual undertone. Combine this undertone with available alcohol and drugs and you are likely to find that your inhibitions go out the window and sex becomes prioritized above all other forms of relating and connecting.
• Negative peer norms. In order to fit in, many feel the pressure to behave in a manner similar to their peers (“I must do this because everyone else seems to be doing this”). In this context, there are very strong pressures placed on individuals to use substances and to act out their sexual urges without hesitation. As such, the above-mentioned risks are channeled together via peer pressure. To go against this is to risk being branded an outsider. Not to hook-up means the possibility of being seen as a loser. Add alcohol and drugs and you are likely to give in to the pressure.

The aim is not to dissuade you from being with others but rather to make you aware of the risk factors involved, so that you can make more informed choices about the various forces at play.

Online dating or virtual hook-ups is an internet-based system, which allows individuals to make immediate contact with each other, with the objective of making friends, meeting for casual sex, or developing a personal romantic and sexual relationship. These sites generally require that you establish a profile (consisting of personal information, interests, and personal preferences). Once established, you are free to browse and interact with others. Some of these sites are free.

The Benefits of online dating

• You can meet and greet others without leaving the comfort of your home, this is especially useful if you are shy and don’t have the social skills to just walk up to someone and start up a conversation;
• The internet is available 24 hours a day, which is a great alternative to bars and clubs that operate only a few hours a week;
• It is a great way to increase your circle of contacts, thus increasing your chances of finding someone compatible;
• It is a great way to find exactly what you are looking for, by enabling you to be more direct and get to the point of what you are wanting;
• By dating online, you can go as fast or as slow as you are comfortable with;
• You can get to know a whole lot more about the person, as people generally feel less threatened online and are therefore more likely to open up and share more about themselves without feeling exposed;
• For the frugally minded, this is a more cost-effective method of meeting and getting to know many people.

The Risks of online dating

• The person you are communicating with may not be honest about who he is or what he looks like;
• The person you are communicating with may be a scam artist trying to get personal information out of you so that he may use it to his benefit;
•  The person you are communicating with may be a physical danger to you.

Tips and Strategies for online dating

• Listen to your gut. If something feels suspicious or does not seem right to you then maybe it is a sign for you to move on. Trust what your instincts are telling you.
• Never give out personal information to soon. Rather play it safe and give out your number once you have met the person and are comfortable doing so.
• When meeting for the first time, ensure that it is in a public place. Never invite the person to your house or go to their house on your first or second meet. The more public it is the better.

Recent research conducted by OUT suggests that many lesbian women experience:

• Isolation and loneliness;
• Depression and guilt;
• Self-directed shame and doubt;
• Low self-esteem and respect;
• Persistent negative self-images.

For them, connection, affirmation, belonging, excitement, and escapism become tantamount. Social spaces, with available alcohol and drugs, to a large degree cater to these needs. However, this is for the most part a temporary solution for what is essentially a deep-seated ongoing need. This becomes especially clear once the party is over and the individual must return to his life and face his own reality the next day. Beyond the limitations of these social spaces, the use of sex has become a temporary solution for many. For them, sex, whether brief or not, is seen as a form of connection with others and a temporary relief from internal pain. However, this form of connection and relief also does not last long for many.

As such, there appears to be a need for a space that speaks to the wellbeing needs of most. A space where they can go, feel they are a part of something, feel better about themselves, and internalize improved ways of living. A space where people can connect, and be themselves, without the harmful effects of alcohol, drugs and negative peer norms. OUT’s Prism Lifestyle Centre has been developed exactly with this in mind and promises to be everything you’ve ever wanted…and more!

No, we are not going to tell you where the next lesbian sex party is… But