Now you’re out and more or less ok with whom you are. This is most of the time a very challenging time for any woman of any age, but on the other hand, very exciting. Most of us grew up in a heteronormative environment and don’t know other homosexual people at the time of coming out, thus not having a well established gay or lesbian friendship circle. Therefore the use of the term “coming in”, you literally have to “come in” to a social environment foreign to you. Soon you’ll realize that meeting likeminded lesbian women are a bit different than the hetero way of doing things. Be patient, this is a new experience. Most of all – be brave and soon you’ll realize your efforts will be worthwhile.

Now, where are others like you? It’s likely that you would want to meet other lesbian women, if you don’t have any lesbian friends yet, or you would like to meet someone for sex, even later on for dating. Bars and clubs for SA lesbian woman specifically are limited, but other organizations, like OUT in Pretoria and triangle Project in Cape Town, do have various activities where you can meet likeminded women in a safe environment. They can refer you to other groups, e.g. religious, social and leisure groups. Internet sites could help you link up as well. There are many chat rooms available where you can meet and share your experiences with women all over the world. You can try a “woman seeking woman” column in your local newspaper or magazine. Make friends first, this will make it easier for you to go out and meet others, you won’t feel so alone. The lesbian scene, like many others, can be quite a hostile environment at first. Your friends might have other friends they can introduce you to. Gay and lesbian clubs are the best place to flirt, dance and enjoy yourself in the company of other women.

Although alcohol helps to lower the sense of anxiety and gets the conversation flowing, be careful not to put yourself in a situation where you are vulnerable and do things you would normally not do. You might drink more if you are nervous, just check yourself and keep to your own boundaries.